The life of Mary
by leencz
Summary: She's just another one, another girl who goes to Camp Greenlake, another girl who is perfect in every way...not for the faint of stomache...read at your own risk. DO NOT SUE if you have to get therapy afterwards.
1. Getting there

Disclaimer: No own Holes, happy?

000ooo000ooo000

Mary sat patiently in the beautiful magnificent yellow bus that was supposed to take her to Camp Green Lake. It was really dirty, grimy, disgusting, nauseating and sickening when she first came but her sparkly shiny blonde hair and big boobies magically made it all better.

She grew up living on the streets because her once loving parents decided to die, so she had a deep seethed anger living inside her (like PMS but worse 'cuz it's permanent). All she needed was someone to return her to her once happy, bubbly (still bitchy) old self.

/ Do you think there's a pairing…GASP OH MY! \

Since she grew up living on the streets, Mary could use all sorts of weapons like guns, knives, dirks, ancient swords and num-chucks…ooooohh. She was also an acrobat and was obviously the smartest person on Earth.

Mary was framed for murder…FRAMED I TELL YOU FRAMED! So they decided to send her to Camp Green Lake because the most powerful being (the author) needed some crapped up reason for why they would send a GIRL to an all BOY (not girl) camp facility thing. The judge thought that making a bunch of hormone crazy teenage boys even hornier would be punishment.

She didn't say anything because she grew up on the streets and was street smart. Mary knew to keep quiet and let the cops stare at her tiny tube top and mini…panty? It's way to short to be a skirt.

When they entered the camp, Mary opened the window and stared at the beautiful holey scenery. Because she was perfect, she understood nature and had a sentimental side with all that crap. She breathed in the fresh air and coughed as bus exhaust went her way.

A bird wished he had a human bird as he flew by. But his girlfriend/birdfriend got pissed and pied on Mary. Aww…POOR MARY!

"EEEK," She screeched in a perfectly pitched voice (all high and airy fairy) as she wiped a wet, liquid mixture of her still shiny lustrous blonde hair. Who cared that a mixture of what looked like yogurt and expired milk was dripping down her bra?

The driver, who was driving with one hand and using the other for…something, turned his head to look at the screaming blonde. He noticed the dripping yellow-yogurt mixture thing dripping down her front. His other grabbed HARDER! He had to scream; he squished his tiny toothpick into a piece of lint! He swerved to the side and into a HOLE! OH NO!

Mary flew out the window, crashing through the glass. Her super strong bones broke the glass, and her unblemished skin was littered with broken glass shard thingies. She fell out of the overturned bus (how was it overturned? The AUTHOR PROCLAIMS IT) and broke a million delicate ligaments and bones. She smeared blood all over the place and died…


	2. Inta Khara thats arabic

**Disclaimer: again me no owning Holes book. Tell me if you think I'm going crazy. **

NO 

Not Mary, heaven forbid Mary dies//My arse but hey…\\ The bus crashed into everyone not in tent D but they can be replaced. Everyone except Mr. Sir because he is important…ok…was hit.

Mary was about to break her neck when Armpit appeared out of nowhere! Yes Armpit dematerialized. She bounced of Armpits big, Big, BIG belly and landed in Squid's arms. Her fiery emerald eyes -

/REMEMBER all Mary-Sue eyes have to be described with gemstones\\

- met his plain ones and she felt love after sooooo long (the last time was when

the policeman looked into her eyes a few hours ago).

/All love stories are between Squid and Mary…REMEMBER\\

She tore away from him, and he let her down reluctantly after groping her butt, gently because he's sensitive and all that BS.

"I can't think that," Mary told herself fiercely, in her very smart mind. "I can't feel that way again not after…"

Her thoughts drifted to the stray alley cat she fell in love with. He broke her heart after she found out he died. It was his fault he ran into a car after she chased him. Her delicate feelings and all those things that Mary-Sues think were destroyed. From then on, Mary vowed never to love again!

"Well, you must be Miss Sue." Mr. Sir said emerging from the crowd of masturbating boys, even the dead ones. They came back to life because dying is so un-Mary-Sueish. All Mary-Sues should be immortal…"Please follow me into my office."

Mary was used to the attention. She kept thinking of that 'handsome' boy she landed on. However, scanning the crowd she saw a figure that captured all her attention.

A dark skinned boy with dark hair and dark eyes with a round face (thanks LeMoNsOuR) was the object of said attention. He had an almost baldhead. He looked kinda like a hairy egg. She stared at him and he mouthed, "Hello chika."

For the fucking hell of it, Kelly Clarkson's song, Addicted started to play.

It's like you're a drug  
It's like you're a demon I can't face down  
It's like I'm stuck  
It's like I'm running from you all the time  
And I know I let you have all the power  
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around  
It's like you're a leech  
Sucking the life from me  
It's like I can't breathe  
Without you inside of me  
And I know I let you have all the power…

Mary started dancing to the ditty in her head, but she tripped…and fell in the mud…and Zero. Zero didn't die because her suffocating boobies were also very soft, and she was so light he wasn't squashed to death…a very…good (?) way to die. Immediately all the boys flocked around her.

"Oh can I help-"

"Are you alright?"

"Did you hurt-"

"Can I carry your…"

Some were nice enough to help her up. Some just tilted their heads and moaned. Other boys simply touched her perfect skin and ran away laughing. She was covered in dirt, and her magnificent blonde hair became dirty!

Mary glared at everyone and didn't say anything because she lived on the streets and could handle anything. She dusted the dirt of her shoulders, and her Mary-Sue powers got rid of all the dirt and grime in a few movements. The previous bird that pooped on her called her friends.

In a formation they let shit fly! She wasn't hit the first two times but the third –

"SCORE!" The camp screamed as the yogurt-milk thing hit her apples. The birds seemed contented and flew away, chirping happily.

"Now, now boys…Boys……SONS OF BITCHES!" Mr. Sir said/screamed (you pick one).

With grace and dignity, only befitting a Mary-Sue, Mary strolled out of the mass of sweaty boy flesh. That is until one of them grabbed her top…LETS KEEP IT 'G' RATED! Magically a long sleeved nun penguin suit appeared covering Mary completely yet showing of her Mary-Sue curves!

All jaws dropped. That sure as hell wasn't supposed to happen. They all started swearing up at the heavens, even Mr. Sir and the counselors. A bolt of lighting hit someone from tent A… he died.

/Who cares, aside from main characters, others are replaceable! \\

"Damn author!" Whoever said that just got hit by lightning too.


	3. Meeting DTENT

**Disclaimer: Anger management classes pay of. And a one and a two and a I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY, I FEEL – oh I don't own holes**

**On with the show:**

Mr. Sir led him into the Warden's office. He didn't send her to his own office because of reasons that I have been informed are unsuited for those under 10. Throughout the entire time, she held her head high and acted like the tough Mary-Sue that she was, 'cuz the birds didn't come back to poopy.

He was about to grope her butt, but (hehe but but) her Mary-Sue reflexes kicked in, and she slapped his hand away. Amazingly, this tore her penguin suit and she fell on her face. In the distance birds could be heard…

She entered the 'beautiful' office of the Warden. Oh yes the office was pretty, pretty messy…(look a play on words HEHEHEHE.). Behind the desk sat a long, curly red head that was "pretty" and tough looking. Try imagining Sigourney Weaver; no actually imagine Sigourney Weaver. She smiled demonically.

"Welcome Ms. Sue. For all your crimes you have been sent to this correctional facility. You will learn the error of your ways and rejoice at the end."

Mary glared at her with her emerald fire eyes thing.

"For God's sakes put on something!"

Mary glanced down at herself. Her original clothes returned, torn and GASP messy! Mary almost cried. She caught the orange jumper thing with ease, the exact same time her clothes split. She scrambled into the orange mess, but refused to say anything to the warden.

"Tent D," she barked. "Go!"

Once Mary left…"I don't know why she had to come here? I HATE competition," the Warden complained angrily rubbing her tum-tum.

A bolt of lightning slammed into her desk.

"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY DON'T HURT MY BABY!"

Mr. Sir came into the office. "Honey what's wrong, why are you screaming, is it our baby?"

-sniff- -sniff- "No…the All Mighty is scary," the Warden began to cry.

000ooo000ooo000

All the boys are gathered in the tent as Mary Sue is ehem not there because it would be un-Mary-Sue-ish if she were listening to them talk about her.

"Dude, did you see her wobble?" X-Ray gasped.

"She's totally hott," Caveman agreed.

Zero was lost even further in his own little world.

"Yeah, let's fuck her."

"Not, YOU Squid!" ZigZag screamed. "I mean…uh…you've gotten most of the girls!"

Armpit looked offended. "What about me?"

"Nobody likes you. You're only mentioned like every 12 chapters." Magnet nodded with wisdom beyond his years. Then Armpit began to cry…again.

"Armpit…uh…here's your Midol," Caveman said nervously.

"But don't you think that'll be bad with his steroids?" Zero whispered, suddenly snapped back to reality.

Suddenly silence rang as afro-man spoke for the first time in the story…then "TUMBLEWEED!" Armpit ran as the dust-thing rolled by. He hugged it happily.

"That nun-suite was hott…" X-ray said. His jumper thing seemed very tight now…

Suddenly Mary walked into the room. Everyone was awed at her beauty, so awed they didn't notice she was nearly dying underneath the strain. Actually she was perfectly fine 'cuz of her Mary-Sue built in muscles, but the male testosterone was kinda beginning to suffocate her. She needed a Midol.

She placed her stuff between the bed of that hott guy who she landed on and that other guy she fell in love with. Isn't that a coincidence? Oh and ZigZag is on Squid's other side.

Was anyone talking as Mary dumped her stuff – gracefully- on the bed? No, not really. I mean have you seen how guys act around normal girls? THIS IS A FRIKKIN MARY SUE!

She lay down on her bed, glaring at them all, except the two guys on either side of her.

Magnet, being the only one who stopped masturbating (and because ZigZag was looking real bored), came up to her with his hand outstretched. "Hey chicka," He said in his Hispanic, seductive voice.

/ Because ALL guys are really sweet and nice when they meet people. They are VERY realistic. \\

"Hi, I'm Mary," she replied, grinning and showing of her perfectly straight teeth so she never had to go to a dentist. But, when she shook his hand, he began vibrating.

"I'm Magnet," he nodded, miraculously sounding less…stupid.

Mary felt her heart melt as she repeated his perfect name over and over and over again in her head. Wait…Magnet? She would just get it changed legally. Damn, her in-laws-to-be are retards.

Suddenly she noticed the other guy. He was grinning. "Yo' I'm Squid." Ahh…there goes the heart melting sensation again. Amazing how quickly that happens.

"That guy," He pointed to the guy next to him, who looked electrocuted and real pissed. "is ZigZag. And that's Armpit, Caveman, Zero and X-Ray."

She nodded as if she actually listened to whatever the creature of the sea said. Damn, he was hott, and so kissable. Then her Mary-Sue genius-ness kicked in. She had to say something.

"How'd yo' get yo' names," she said trying to sound as gangsta as possible to show she was tough like 50 cent who needs a nose job and plastic surgery.

"Well, I can see right through you," the one called X-Ray said as small trickles of blood dripped out of his nose.

"Eeeek pervert," she screeched. She punched him and it magically reached halfway across the tent. She broke his bleeding nose.

Silence

…

More Silence

…

Then, "That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen…" Caveman whispered.

"Um, poker, yah, poker," Squid said. "Ok, Armpit where's the poker table?"

Armpit was still hugging the tumbleweed. He looked up, "I sat on it…"

Everyone groaned. "Again? Man watch that big fat-ass of yours. You can't just go sitting on everything!"

"I'm sorry!" Armpit started crying again and hugging the tumbleweed to death. "Everyone's so meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean!"

"Um…will he be ok?" Mary asked.

"What oh yah this happens every night," Squid shrugged and produced a table from behind his back. "Good thing a always keep a spare. ZigZag you joining?"

"Yah sure, X-Ray's still constipated. Come on Magnet, Caveman, Armpit."

Five minutes later….

Obviously Mary was going to win. She had a Royal Flush, but she needed an Ace. ZigZag was getting pissed, seriously. It was like the thirty millionth game and Mary was still winning. Everyone was falling in love with her, and he was getting a total ingrown nail.

"You know, today's been a good day, I haven't-" Caveman couldn't finish his sentence. It happened all to fast, as the birds flew in.

Mary screeched. "There's the bird that shat on me!"

The bird flew in all direction, knocking over all the cards and flying into Caveman's really big mouth. "Get it. Get It. GET IT!"

Everyone (except Zero, unconscious X-Ray and ZigZag) punched Caveman over and over again to kill the bird. When they stopped… "Oh, damn," Magnet sighed. "Not again."

"OH MY GOD YOU KILLED CAVEMAN!" Kyle from South Park appeared. "OH MY GOD ! # #&…$&!& WHY CAN'T I # SWEAR!&! LOOK AT THE BIG ! " He disappeared.

"Is that normal?" Mary asked, looking for a reason to talk to one of her hott guys. Do you actually think she cared about the bloody corpse in front of her?

"No, it only started when Armpit accidentally said Kenny instead of Caveman; he'll be a'ight tomorrow," Magnet waved of.

Mary paused. Then she remembered…the sensitive girl thing. "OH MY GOD WILL CAVEMAN BE ALRIGHT! I HARDLEY KNEW YOU OH YOU POOR POOR BOY. WE COULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS. NOW I'LL NEVER GET TO KNOW YOU NEVER BECAUSE YOUR GONE, Gone, gone…gone…"

She cried uncontrollably and sank to the floor. "Now look what you done Magnet, you made her cry," Squid yelled. He bent down next to her and hugged her as she started whispering 'sensible' things. Remember she is in trauma after everything that happened –nod- -nod-.

The part of Mary's mind that wasn't crying like a baby registered what happened, so she dug her face deeper in Squid's shoulder. Maybe later she would realize the pimple-ish effect it would have on her skin because he forgot to do his laundry last month.

The other boys gasped and circled around her all hugging YAY. Mary was really sad because Caveman died, even though he'd come back to life later. She also needed an excuse to hug the creature of the sea.

Magnet stared wide-eyed at the group in front of him. It wasn't fair, he should be there NOT Squid. Poor loser, he didn't realize that it's a rule that Squid gets to make out in someway with the Mary-Sue on the first day.

ZigZag was still on his bed glaring for all his worth…at Squid. Poor Squid, if looks could kill he would have been dead long ago. Since no one was looking, he whipped out his P-I-M-P nail file to take of the tension and fix his ingrown nail. He was pissed. He was going to get back at Mary for stealing his L - ATTENTION. Yes, the attention not L-.

"Shush Mary, is gonna be okay," Squid whispered comfortingly, and sticking his tongue out at the rest of D-tent. "Caveman will be all right; you'll see. It happens everyday 'cuz of his something-great-cow-pig-grandfather."

Mary nodded slightly, still grabbing on to Squid for dear life. WELL if she didn't tell them the bird shat on her…Seeing as she wouldn't let go, the other boys left back to their beds all wishing Squid would die like Caveman but NOT come back to life. Ahhh you see?

Squid lifted her up and carried her bridal style. This made him grin even more, so much that if any girl bares his kids they will be born with permanent smiles that will never die even during PMS.

He got to the bed and dropped her…or tried to. She wouldn't let go of his neck, so Mary hung there in suspended animation (wtf does that mean?). He carried her up, and released. Same result. He did it again. And again. And again. The sixth time he fell on the bed on top of her 'cuz Mary-Sue's are normally very light, but Mary tried to be realistic and her real weight returned.

/That's what happens when Mary-Sues become realistic or use their brains to think. Their REAL weight returns. I mean how heavy do you think those apples are? \\

That was when it all went bad. X-Ray woke up from his being punched outedness. ZigZag dropped the P.I.M.P. nail file. Zero started screaming. Magnet jumped on top of them to wrestle Squid, and Armpit DROPPED the tumbleweed. HE DROPPED-ETH THATH HOLIETH TUMBLEWEEDETH. Oh and Caveman didn't come back to life yet.

Mary started shouting, "Stop it; stop it you morons!" Then there was another girly scream of "LIGHTS OUT," which sounded like Mr. Pendobouncy…there was a pause, then a gunshot.

The scene was frozen, and it looked like Squid and Magnet had been making out. There was more silence. Then Mr. Sir's disturbingly ugly head entered the tent. "Git to bed you spineless Girl Scouts."

"Yo' Mom, they are in bed," X-Ray said with still a beeet of blood down his nose. Mr. Sir said something else, but no one really understands that freak anyway. He was about to say something intelligent when Mr. Pendarski pranced in….yessir he pranced. Wearing his frilly white nightgown and holding a basketful of flowers, Mr. Pandasomething pranced into the room singing the Barney song, on pitch even.

He stopped directly in front of the bed where Mary lay and Magnet and Squid were trying to choke each other. He stopped in mid prance, hovering slightly above the ground. His head turned slowly, demonically in their direction, like in the "Seed of Chucky". His smiling face never changed as his clothes turned red, his skin grew scales and the flowers disappeared.

"Go to FUCKING SLEEP YOU SMART KIDDIES!" He yelled without moving his smiling mouth. It echoed through the tent as the wind blew. Then silence, so much silence it was deafening.

"Geez, someone forgot to take their pills," X-Ray muttered and there was a grumble of agreement. Reluctantly everyone returned to his or her own cot.

"Thank you," the freak smiled…some more. Then he pranced out of the room singing 'Mary had a Crapped up Lamb who had a fleet of hoes.'


	4. Dreams a 'sensible' ch

**Disclaimer: if u that stupid to not figure out that I don't own Holes by reading the previous chapters then…**

**This chapter is kind of long and contains 'interesting' humor.**

**000ooo000ooo000**

She had that dream again…the bad one. The one where she was hurt, where her life unraveled. Her parents where wonderful; who cared that they committed suicide because of her perpetual perfection? But her brother…he was evil.

The dream was a memory, one she could never forget. She was playing in her room, her beautiful room that she decorated all by herself with intricate hand-made porcelain and glass sculptures that would put any artist to shame. So she was 5, again WHO CARES?

Then her brother entered. For a three year old he was demonic. He crept up to her and music from Scream started to play. Mary looked around as his muddy hands soiled her hair! She couldn't scream, couldn't move; she was paralyzed by the blasphemy on her perfection. Her world was spinning, consciousness slowly slipping away as the dirt dripped over her emerald eyes, destroying the spotlessness of her peaches and cream complexion.

"Hey Mary, wanna play?" Her brother asked innocently, but Mary knew it was all an act, all a ploy to ruin her life, to cause her pain and suffering and brake her spirit! Her brother was part of it; he was ruining her life with every drop of dirt.

She hated her brother. He didn't have the perfection she possessed so he was jealous; MARY KNEW IT YES SHE DID! Her parents didn't see, no because she was the adopted child, the adopted child with some messed up background so she was really related to Caveman, Zero and the Warden!

/Well most Mary-Sue's have some kinda really retarded relation to a main character. \\

"W-weave me awone Dan," Mary whispered, shocked but slowly adjusting to the fact that she was dirty.

He pouted innocently. "But I just wanted to show you the pwetty-"

"AAAAHHH!" Mary's scream echoed through the air as she vanquished her foe who dareth maketh her DIRTY-ITH! Dan screamed as a million fists pounded him, ramming his body as punishment for the evil sin of putting dirt on his older sister!

More screams. More dirt. More pain. Mary started thrashing around crying at the horrible memory of when she experienced unsanitary torture! She cried and cried and cried as the memory engulfed her until…

"Whoa chika you pissed in your pants!"

Mary opened her eyes. It was all a dream. She was in Camp something with a dashingly handsome white creature of the sea and the bald egg headed Hispanic sexy guy. BUT she had pissed in her pants.

Mary started blubbering as all the pains of her life overcame her. Then Calamari came up to her and sat on her wet bed. He pouted at her and whispered, "I can fix that."

They started kissing lustfully and blah blah blah (really just count how many Squid make out scenes there are in a Mary-Sue). Suddenly!

"OUCH" Squid jumped up as blood spurted from his mouth. Mary did the same. HE FUCKING BIT HER TONGUE. Okay, so she accidentally ripped his teeth of his gums, but it's not her fault she has excellent dental thingy!

Mary continued to spit out blood all over the tent. Damn, he bites hard. This had never happened to her, never ever with her numerous other boyfriends that all broke her heart so Squiggy or the other dude could show her that not ALL guys were jerks.

IT WAS WRONG. It was all wrong, all wrong. It had never happened before so why now? Why? Why? Mary began to choke on her blood as she spat it out, all the blood and saliva and mucus were resurfacing, gagging her, choking her. She was going to pass out; she was going to…

"RISE AND SHINE HAPPY CAMPERS!" That stupid panda guy yelled.

Mary opened her eyes tentatively. It was still dark throughout the camp. It was all a dream; she convinced herself, all a horrible terrible dream.

"Whoa chika you pissed in your pants!"

Déjà vu.

Mary glanced around, but this time it wasn't that white guy who her eyes first met. It was a BIG FRIKKIN' ASS AFRO. It was that short guy she tripped over earlier. He was staring at her with staring eyes and a stare. Mary stared backed hypnotized until a hand touched her shoulder. She tensed up, turned and saw egghead.

There was something about his baldish egg headedness that made her want to stare, like how Afro Dude was staring at him. She let a smile creep into her lips as he sat on her bed.

"Chika I told you, you pissed in your pants, you okay?"

The smile slipped of her face. He knew. She knew he knew, and HE KNEW.

"And you were moving all aroun' cryin' nightmare lil chika?"

"Don't call me lil," She sniffed. "It always happens when I have a nightmare." She whispered.

"I don't ca-" Magnet stopped in mid sentence and fell to the floor. Behind him stood Squid holding a big stick something. He smiled sheepishly at Mary.

"Yo' didn't see that bog invisible lizard?"

000ooo000ooo000

The whack on the head must've caused Magnet to lose what little brain cells he had. He was talking to rocks, but they talked back. All of them talked, all around him, everywhere, ready to KILL AND SUCK HIS BLOOD BEFORE SHOOTING HIM IN THE NADS! Or so ZigZag thought.

The penguins told him so; the penguins were always right. They told ZigZag everything, like how Caveman would always come back to life and how invisible creatures would attack poor Magneto. Thank the tartar sauce that Squid saved Magnet, but Mary had to interfere. She INTERFERED! It was all her fault, but ZigZag would prevail. The penguins said it. The penguins were always right, everywhere, every time, the penguins…

D Tent went to get there breakfast. As usual it was the same old crap. The "Grillé du Pain" was under cooked. The "Les Oeufs au Saumon" was burnt. The continental Labneh was absolutely horrible, and don't even get me started on the caviar.

They walked behind each other in a straight line waiting to get their horrible, indigestible 'food' substanence. It was a normal morning. It was quiet. The penguins hadn't informed of any importance. Until…

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Armpit dropped to his knees crying, wailing, suffering right beside Caveman. "NOOOOOOOO WHERE ARE THE BOLILLOS ARE GONE ALL GONE…GONE!"

It's sad watching a grown fat boy cry, cry for all the Bolillos of camp that were gone, just gone…

X-Ray took control. "Yo' Mr. Sir. Wha happened to does Bolillos man?"

The ugly disfigured guy turned his ugly disfigured head to look at the leader (and pimp) of D Tent. He growled, "Cut backs, you girls get to much to eat. Lou – the Warden thinks you should eat less." He looked around, daring anyone to say something about his woman.

Armpit continued to yell, crying for his mom, his dad, his sister, his Bolillos.

Mary looked up shocked and sorrowful. The poor boy, it was like he lost a part of himself. She ran up to him and gave him a biiiiiiig hug, while holding her breath. "Aw it'll be alright; you'll see."

Magnet stopped talking to rocks. Squid stopped gazing at ZigZag. Their eyes widened. Pause.

Pause.

Pause, then…

"NOOOO THE CROQUEMBOUCHE!"

"MY ESCARGOTS!"

Mary stopped hugging the fat teddy bear-ish thing. She ran with her arms eagle spread towards Magnet and Squid. They ran at her the same way with outstretched arms. They all met in the middle like a scene from some love story!

"It's all right. We'll get through this," she said comfortingly. Tears continued to drop down the boys' faces. "Here put your heads on my shoulders."

So they did; they put their heads on what they could reach.

"I said my shoulders."

"Can't reach," Squid muttered as he hugged her and lay his head on a BIG (like Armpit big) what shall we call them? They're round and most girls have them. Magnet was just smiling like the retard he is (who talks to ROCKS?).

Then there was a lot of yelling. Apparently the others weren't content in watching. Angrily, ZigZag came up, grabbed Squiggly by the collar and dragged him away. So Magnet and Mary were all alone, all alone. But things have to end. A rogue shovel hit the back of his head.

"YO, ANDELE! We got holes to dog!" Someone 'coughSquidcough' yelled as the Hispanic boy fell to the floor, talking to the penguins.

Zero grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the library.

Then Caveman (eating bread and homus) came up to Mary, who was staring at the unconscious boy on the ground. "The first hole is always the hardest." He said kindly, what a loser.

Now we all know that he was a loser because he started choking on homus. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU CHOKE ON HOMUS, REALLY! The corpse (recently alive) fell to the ground. Mary sidestepped him nervously and followed behind Zero.

"What did he say?"

"Who cares, just move before-"

"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED CAVEMAN! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Zero sighed, "-that happens." With that, they both ran away towards the library, leaving everyone behind but most importantly KYLE!

000ooo000ooo000

**Aidyl:** You are weird. I highly respect you oh 'exceptional' one –bow-.

**thetwitchnwitchi: **The penguins have called for songs; on your behalf I have asked for them to lower the number.

**XxMademoisellexX: **It's cool that we got a new fan fiction follower. SMILE. Please continue reading.

**padfootsgirl356412: **If you marked this as a favorite can you at least SEND A REVIEW


	5. Digging

**Disclaimer: WTF do I keep typing a disclaimer? People already know I don't own Holes.**

**I'm back…I hope I still make sense…I really do…**

**000ooo000ooo000**

They had to dig holes, round holes, five feet deep and five feet wide. You had to dig holes with shovels everyday. Hence the name 'Holes' for the damn book you morons.

Mary had to dig a hole just like everyone else. Of course she did; she was just another prisoner in this big bad facility…

…

OMG MWAHAHAHA FRIKKIN HAHAHA HOW THE FUCK DID ANYONE BELIEVE THAT OM- HAHAHAHA YOU ARE SO STUPID HAHAHAHA OMG!

Anyway D-Tent were walking to where they were suppose to dig. Mary walked ahead of them all, her head held high, her hair glistening in the darkness; she walked with a bounce in every step. Happiness radiated of her. It was like the two suns were shining.

Behind her the boys followed watching her ass move left and right. X-Ray had stuck tissues up his nose, but they were now as red as blood because they were soaked with blood. Magnet was still in a daze, occasionally talking to rocks. Squid was under the watchful glare of Ziggy. Zero was walking in front of Armpit. The bigger boy was still crying… AND YES, Ladies and Gentlemen let us welcome back that loser from beyond the grave…CAVEMAN!

They were all watching her (except ZigZag, he was watching Squid watching her). So it was a horrible, horribly painful shock when she disappeared.

"Where'd she go?"

"Huh-"

"Wassup wid that yo'?"

Then there was a groan. Miss Sue fell into a hole! GASP, collective pant, no way. But, yes way. Mary was groaning at the bottom of a hole, which she had accidentally fallen into. That tiny five foot wide hole was impossible to see.

"Are you OK?" X-Ray yelled like the genius he is. Mary groaned again.

"Oh the poor girl," Caveman said sadly and tears began to form in the overly sensitive loser's eyes. Tumbleweed passed by.

"TUMBLEWEED!" Armpit yelled. He ran for the dried plant that rolled around in the wind. On his way to the tumbleweed, running like a fat rhino, he hit Caveman. Caveman died (wow he didn't last long in this chapter).

Insert collective 'woo' from the crowd. Then of course… "OH MY GOD YOU KILLED CAVEMAN!" Kyle popped up and laughed before disappearing into a ball of flame.

BRING ON THE SILENCE…until…dun dun dun

"She needs mouth-to-mouth!" Squid yelled heroically. Oh Squiddy you are so cool; you are so hot; you are so amazing…boohoo…slap me, I'm becoming a retard…BECOMING.

ZigZag stepped in angrily. "Yah and Magnet is giving it."

All jaws dropped. Defensively ZigZag screamed, "THE PENGUINS TOLD ME TO!" Well all was right with the world again; ZigZag was normal.

Magnet jumped into the hole and promptly landed on his head. His head DID land on Mary's stomach. She woke up, but the pressure on her stomach made her puke all over her savior.

"EEWWWW" That is just what Magnet said.

"Oh my goodness I'm so sorry," Mary wailed. She cried on the vomit-covered boy. He comforted her. They were all set to have crazy chicken sex. But someone said, "Get your hands of her!"

Magnet jumped up with Jedi-like power, to face his nemesis. Well duh it was Squid.

"What are yo saying man?" He asked in his cutesy accent.

"I'm saying-"

"Yo' chill," X-Ray said going in between the two fighting guys. "D-Tent sticks together a'ight? First we gonna all take showers, Pit especially after he's done wid his weed, then we all gonna go give girly a name, a'ight?"

"Ya ok man."

"Sure. Yo le odio asno estúpido. Vaya muerte."

/Now do you really think Magnet is wishing him good health and prosperousness? \

"Cool man, thas all I'm saying. Cool."

And with that, X-Ray fucked up the chapter.

000ooo000ooo000

Mary 'finished' digging her hole, as in all the boys in D-Tent finished digging her hole, almost all the boys anyway. Armpit wouldn't fit in the hole with all the other guys. ZigZag said something about the penguins. X-Ray was being a complete arse about his slightly smaller shovel so do you think he even helped a little?

Well Mary was finished, but the boys wouldn't let her leave. She needed to stay to watch them bend over all hot and sweaty like. They were talking about everything and nothing all at once. The guys just wanted to look at her, and Mary just needed to talk a lot and show of her smart-assy-ness. Currently they were discussing the history of spoons.

"You don't say?" X-Ray said, genuinely truly painfully interested in who invented the spoon.

/He's so out of character but in Mary-Sue's almost everyone is out of character. \

"That's amazing, no really."

"Yaaa Angel," Armpit slurred. He wasn't sure why he said that, not paying attention. His mind was filled with strange thoughts of…twigs …and tumbleweed.

"Yo' why do you call her that?" Squid asked angrily.

"'Cuz that's her name man!"

"No, you retard o' sumthin is Goddess."

"Naw man, you a retard," Magnet yelled. Every time Squid said something they ended up fighting, even about the color of spinach. "Is Chika!"

"WTF? Chika is chicken!"

"No is not you stupido-"

"I like Sunrise," X-Ray interrupted. "Or WildCat."

"No man-" They were all arguing heatedly now, coming out of their holes and pushing each other around. Mary watched, tears forming in her eyes. She hated fights.

"SILENCE!" And silence fell. "This is MARY'S nickname, not some pansy girl scout bitch. Was sup wid y'all? You stupid. Mary is the coolest girl on the planet. She needs a hot name, something that will proclaim her toughness and coolness to the world!"

It was as if God had come down to speak to his unworthy servants. Zero stepped out of his finished hole. They all bowed and hailed the short Afro man. They were awed by the sagacity or the normally silent boy's words and his big hair, which just went BOOM!

"Like Muffin."

SO it was proclaimed on Tuesday, December 16, 2005 at 9:42 PM GMT that Mary Sue became Muffin of D-Tent. All hail Zero.

"Wow man, that was…deep."

Zero grunted, returning to his silence. Mary got up to him and sat at the edge of his hole. He was almost finished. "Zero, thanks I love the name Muffin," she said smiling sweetly.

Zero looked into her shining teeth and was blinded. The rules of Mary Sue prevented him from crying out and screaming in pain, so he did what the rules told him to do. All new kids get Zero to talk, just like Caveman did.

"If we dig to China where do the kids in China dig to? What was Captain Hook's name before he lost his hand? Triangles don't have five sides. Friend is a four-letter word. I like pie. Don't you like pie? Chickens don't eat pie because pie is cannibalistic. Worms are both boys and girls so do they have tiny d-"

"Zero you can talk! What else can you do man?" X-Ray yelled over Zero's silence.

"He must like fresh meat," Squid commented.

"Ever stop to think and forget to start again? If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown as well? People who can't be anything else become teachers. I want to-"

000ooo000ooo000

**Entei Artist: **I hope my story has not made u suicidal…choking to death...tsk tsk…gasp A HOMICIDAL STORY! no not a story about homicide but- oh forget it, merci beaucoup and screw thee.

**XxMademoisellexX: **What are you talking about? Here's a new chapter!

**padfootsgirl356412: **Well ok...thank you…I guess. I just wanted something like "you are not insane; you just think you are." BUT THANK YOU OH MARVELOUR REVIEWER. bow

**GrAyInGScArS: **How'd ja know? Life here's pretty fun, we got a pool table and get to finger paint too! And look at weird ink blobs…but they only have spoons here…


	6. The Shower Scene WARNING

Disclaimer: MERRY CHRISTMAS! I DON'T OWN HOLES!

This is my pet monkey Falooga. He is here to customize peace between our distant relatives the French zenobians. We all love the zenobians. They are otherwise known as penguins. Penguins are good.

Falooga: Sanity is precious. Writing stories and scenes like this sort of ruins sanity. Reading as well. You have been warned.

**MARY P.O.V.**

Oh God, today was so horrible. All that digging made me so tired. I don't know what I'm going to do. Magnet that super hot amazing- I MEAN, that okay looking guy gave me a bunch of shower tokens. I wonder where he got them. Why is the rest of D-Tent screaming about lost tokens? Oh well it's not my problem. I don't worry about nothing and nobody because I can handle everything.

I need a shower. It's so hot. It's so sticky. I can't stand this camp anymore. If it wasn't for those hot guys I don't know what I would do. Are they looking at me? Oh yes I think they are yes, look at them. Oh my boobs are so firm. Those double D cups can do that. I got so mad when that plastic surgeon I had to beat up gave me C CUPS.

OMG C CUPS! What was he crazy? Honestly and after he was found dead in a drain they blame ME. LIKE TOTALLY ME! It's not my fault I was the last person seen with him! If that didn't happen I would never have been sent here. WAAAAAAAAAA POOR ME, how can that happen? All that rotten luck to poor little old me. Years and years on the streets living on my own and- GASP OMG MY NAIL MY POOR POOR POOR NAIL. What am I going to do!

Ok Mary pull yourself together. Just wink, wink at that passing guy. Oops that was a wall. You can grab a hold of yourself. You're amazing. Yes I am I proved that this afternoon.

**FLASHBACK**

Mr. Sir came to deliver water. Everyone got in a line and Mary was up front behind X-Ray because juvenile delinquents are really gentlemen in disguise. Actually they just wanted to see her bounce.

When it was her turn Mr. Sir asked, "So how'dya like diggin' dem holes girl? This ain't no girls scouts camp."

Mary tilted her head back and let the sun glisten on her blonde ringlets. "Well then why are YOU here and me for that matter."

Everyone gasped in amazement. Mr. Sir stuttered. "Um…um…ya, you don't know nothing about anything you girl scout!"

**END FLASHBACK**

I need to wash the grimly dirt all of me. There's the bathroom. No one will see me. I'm sure, even though the shower barely comes up to my double D's, no one will notice. I am totally decent. But first, I have to get my shower stuff…YAY!

For some reason no one checked my backpack. I have my Chanel shampoo and Victoria Secret Rose Petal Soap. No one noticed my foot long nail clippers, which aren't even allowed on airplanes, or my 8-inch Swiss Army switchblade, that I stole with my super pick pocketing skills! I think I will impress Magnet with my klepto magnificence. I bet he never met anyone like that!

First shower token in. I wonder who this is for…OMG THE WATER IS SO COLD! Where's the hot water knob.

**FOUR MINUTES LATER…**

Oh thank God. The water was so cold. Wait, I didn't shower…and I still can't find that damn knob. Oh well, I bet I can totally and completely forget that! Hey, why is that guy staring? Why is he yelling "OMG LOOK AT THE BITCH!" Where's this bitch? I bet it's that Mr. Pendabooby. Oh well, shower time.

Second shower token in. Hmm…this smells like Armpit. Whatever let the nice warm…ehem…water rinse all the dirt away. My Chanel shampoo will make it all better. It is also a conditioner.

**12 MINUTES LATER…**

Ummm…that feels so good…ummm. Huh? The water stopped, as well as all those whistling noises. Squid is coming. I can hear him yelling. He's saying, "Get outta here! Leave her alone. F OFF!" I wonder who he's talking to. Who cares? Now it's time to finish washing the left side of my hair! YAY! But…only one shower token left…

I THINK I'LL SAVE WATER. I know, I will use milk, camel's milk like that old lady in Egypt, Cleopats-herbra! Now where can I find a camel and who will milk it? Oh my God, my soap fell down. I must bend over to get it.

FFRRRTTT!

I farted! Oh schitzo I farted! There's a rustling sound behind me. I turn around. GASP IT'S SQUID!

"Hey um…it smells like cinnamon buns." He said with a goofy grin on his face.

With my super muscles I punched him out, so he would never see the water glistening over my seductive skin, dripping down my big double D's!

000ooo000ooo000

**Grey:** I don't know what to say. If you are grossed out you have only yourself to blame. I specifically said this wasn't for the faint of stomach...I sound like a bitch. Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing.

**PillowswIne**: Yes I do write seriously but is it my fault it got deleted? Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing.

**GryzzleChickGC:** My opinion of Squid will be made very clear in up coming chapters Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing.

**LeMoNsOuR:** I feel the sarcasm in your reviews. Were you sarcastic?If you wanna send a flame go ahead. Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing.

**EugeleeV:** Did you even READ the damn story? Screw You! Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing.

**Firecracker101:** I DELETED THAT STORY! I MADE ONE SENSIBLE REALLY DAMN LONG STORY ABOUT HARRY POTTER AND I DELETED IT. DO YOU THINK I AM NORMALLY INSANE? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED ON THAT STORY SO IT WASN'T A PIECE OF CRAP? DO YOU? DO YOU? Sorry…Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing.

**SunfireEyes:** Who are you and how come I never heard from you. No mean to be rude. Merry Christmas thanks for reviewing 3 TIMES...


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